Down With “Should”



Dear “Should”,
I am so over you.

You are a burden. You are intrusive.
You are the source of Mommy Wars and exhaustion, laughably high standards and soul-deadening guilt.
You are wearying.

You are unwelcome.

I am so much more than your bleak message. We moms are strategic, intelligent, purposeful, caring, giving and raw. We are women with dimensions like prisms.
Yet you impose your “shoulds” and “should nots” and you whisper that we come up short. That the grass is greener.
…if only we would obey the never ending Shoulds.
…which you tout should feel easy.

You are oppressive.

You leave no room for grace. Shame is your jam. You cripple authenticity.

Do you realize how you color a mother’s day? Of course you do. Your track record is shameful:

– My house should be spotless. All the time. It shouldn’t matter that people actually live, learn and need to thrive here.
– ….but we should choose play time with the kids, quiet time with the husband, investment in friendships, and personal betterment pursuits over cleaning and laundry. (explain that contrast to me?)
– I should be a certain size and shape.
– I should sign up for that volunteer slot at the school.
– I should breastfeed exclusively. And it should come naturally.
– My child should be weaned.
– My child should be potty-trained.
– My child should be more like her child.
– …. or her child should be more like mine.

– I should be more like her.

– I should have an unlimited amount of energy.
– I shouldn’t ask for help.
– I should say Yes.
– I shouldn’t let him watch TV.
– I shouldn’t let her eat that.
– I should stay home with my kids.
– I should be in the work force.
– I should work out. And it should be the hardest workout possible, every single time.
– We should invite them over. And I shouldn’t care about the state of my house — but like we said, really, it should be perfect.

……I shouldn’t be this tired.

Should“, you should be embarrassed.
Enough is enough.

This is your formal eviction notice. Get out. Away with you. I am choosing that GRACE will reign in my heart and my home and my relationships. Who else is this hard on us moms? Only ourselves and each other.

Space for Grace!

Who’s with me?