A Broken Record

“Don’t touch, Stop Whining, Don’t hit your brother, NOOOOO, Follow Directions, Listen to Me!”

All day, every day.  These words seem to be on repeat in my house lately.  When you are constantly playing referee to two boys 22 months apart these words seem to apply to any and every circumstance.  I am always saying them.

Of course there are circumstances that warrant the party line over here in toddler-ville: Don’t touch…the boiling water.  Don’t hit your brother…with a baseball bat.  I think all of you would agree that these are wise and necessary rules regardless of how many times they are spoken.

Sometimes though, I find myself saying “No”, or “Stop whining” so much that even I get tired of it.  I am exasperated giving the commands; I can’t imagine what it is like to be on the receiving end of the constant rule spewing. Herein lies my parenting predicament.  Is it ever OK to just let them get away with something (that isn’t going to kill them or someone else) just for the sake of not exasperating my children?  I am going to go out on a limb and say yes.

Sometimes I get so caught up in principle that I forget the person. I get so caught up in towing the line, being consistent, and always being the parenting expert that I forget that I am molding and shaping little hearts and minds.  I can dictate behavior and attitude – and may do it very successfully – but at the end of the day I haven’t thought about making lasting change in their hearts.  It’s not enough for me to be a robot with the rules, I have to show that I care about why they do or do not do the things they do and walk with them through the correction.  No one wants to submit to a dictator, they want a leader who is kind and gracious in their correction.

So the next time I find myself wanting to simply stop the chaos, I am going to enter in to it for a moment to see what all the commotion is about.  I need to work harder at understanding where they are coming from not just altering their course of direction.  If I understand the origin, even if it is as basic as the inability to share the beloved Lightning McQueen, I might just have a better chance at eliminating the whining.   In that moment, I showed that I really do care that it is hard to share and I want to help them learn how to share not just silence the whines.  This will help me go from a broken record to responding more like a “Pandora’s playlist;” I hear what they want and I seek to give them what they need.

Tracy Carson is a Licensed Associate Professional Counselor, a wife to her Prince Charming whom she has been married to for 9 years and a Mom of two precious boys, 4 and 2.  Tracy has a passion for helping women feel beautiful inside and out and works hard in her faith based counseling practice, Professional Counseling Associates,  to encourage her clients to feel the freedom to be comfortable in their own skin.  She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders and counts it a privilege to come alongside of women as they overcome the stress that can come with new life transitions. Find her on the web at https://www.pcaaz.com