Nope. No Way. Not Me. {Not-So-Savory Mommy Moments}

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A few years back, there was a blog I followed that did “Not Me Mondays.” Bloggers and Mamas linked up to share their not-so-superhero mommy moments. It always gave me a good laugh and served as a reminder that none of us have it all together, all of the time. I figured that I would use my first post here at Scottsdale Moms Blog to share those sentiments. Let’s get started, shall we?

A few days ago, after starting my day with a green juice and banana for breakfast, followed by a kale and grapefruit salad for lunch, I most certainly did not end my day shoving forkfuls of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese into my mouth for dinner. Nope. No Way. Not Me. I am a pillar of health and wellness.

The other week while making dinner, I did not allow my one year old to pull out a plethora of small kitchen utensils to entertain herself with. After making sure there were no blades or outlets in sight, I did not allow her to play quietly so that I could cook a meal without her screaming and pulling at my clothes. Nope. No Way. Not Me. My children only have access to educational, non-battery powered, and age appropriate toys at all times.

I do not regularly strip my one year old down to her diaper for meals in order to avoid pre-treating more laundry than already necessary. Nope. No way. Not me. We are a civilized family, and we all wear clothing at the table. My child will not associate nudity with meal time.

While out looking at houses with our realtor and our four year old “forgot” how to use the bathroom, I absolutely did not put him into a size 5 diaper because it was all that I had in my diaper bag. Nope. No way. Not me. I am the epitome of preparedness in potty related emergencies. My diaper bag is always stocked with extra undies, diapers, and yummy snacks. Never is it down to three almost dried out wipes, an under-sized diaper, and Nutri-Grain bars that have been smashed to smithereens.

I did not recently ask my four year old to “Please be quiet. For the rest of the day.” At 10:00 am. Nope. No Way. Not Me. I always encourage my children to be the most outgoing and extroverted versions of themselves, all day, everyday.

Recently while texting a friend on my iPhone regarding the awesomeness that is preschool potty talk, I did not switch over to my computer and start iMessaging a completely different person by mistake. A person who got an eyeful regarding a four year old and his love for all words related to bodily functions. A person who I had just met for a playdate for the first time with our daughters the day before. Nope. No way. Not me. I always carry on relevant and appropriate conversations with new acquaintances. (Fingers crossed she wants to hang out again.)

What are some of your “Nope. No Way. Not Me.” mommy moments? What happened to you recently that made you put your palm to your forehead, or give yourself a good eye roll?

8 COMMENTS

  1. My son always takes his naps in his crib. I never allow him to sleep in the car, and it’s definitley not happening at this very moment! Nope. No way. Not me.

  2. I definitely do not teach my daughter to write her blog posts with all sorts of different text colors, none of which are actual links. Nope. No way. Not me.

    • This seems like a pretty sharp dig at the writer here for using color in her post. If I’m incorrect, I apologize. If this was indeed a dig, please get over yourself. Her story is funny and charming, she’s spending her spare moments writing for us, and you want to spend your time picking apart the style details? Bravo, I’m sure we’re all grateful to you for pointing out this “faux pas.”

      Oh, please.

    • Lisa, thank you for your comment defending the writer! It so happens that the style details are because this editor (me) added color to break up the black and white text. Lindsay’s writing is funny and captivating enough for people to read without adding color, it is true – but Judith, your passive-aggressive communication style isn’t the way to get anything accomplished.

    • Holy moly, ladies, lighten up… if you want to try and overcome the ingrained expectations of form and utility in HTML, then by all means, form an army of coders and turn all the text you want into random colors… I would suggest switching it up every letter, though, to maximize the headaches of your audience…

  3. Thanks for the fun post!!

    I certainly don’t ever count the moments until my kiddos go back to school every Sunday night. Weekends are no longer the fun relaxing days of pre-kid days. Nope. No way. Not me.

  4. I don’t ever get frazzled and lose my temper, nor do I every go on a endless rattling lecture about what they did. Of course I stay calm, get my point across and stay a perfect mother throughout. Nope. No way. Not me.

    That was therapeutic!! Thanks Lindsay. And … I love the color and bold text! It makes your article interesting to read.

  5. Judith you are the prime example what is wrong with this world. You took a thoughtfully written blog post and found something to complain about instead of appreciating this mommas time. Instead of supporting her, you tore her down. So disappointed in your choice of actions. Way to be a Debbie downer.

    Lindsay we loved your blog post. It was new, thoughtful and a great way to connect with one another on a different level, a funnier level. Keep it up!

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