It is absolutely the most magical, amazing, thrilling and terrifying moment I have ever had.
I will never forget it. After I picked my mouth up off the floor and started talking to my pin point sized fetus, I was then filled with a feeling of complete and utter panic.
I say “dude” about 42 times a day. I wear pumas and Hello Kitty earrings. I chew with my mouth open. I don’t return movies on time. I eat popcorn for dinner most nights. My handwriting is horrible.
I have a tattoo for God’s sake.
I am not fit to be a mom.
So I used my 9 months to think about the ways that I could get better and turn myself more into what I thought a mom “should” be. I would learn how to cook. I would buy a couple blazers. I would work on my manners, chew with my mouth shut and sit up straight.
When my daughter was born, I tried things that I thought could potentially morphe me into a more formidable care taker. I bought a nursery rhymes CD so that I wouldn’t have to subject my daughter to the regular stuff I listen to. I didn’t even make it out of the driveway before clicking eject as fast as I possibly could to avoid both of us trying to jump out of the moving vehicle.
Fast forward half a decade. I still hate cooking and struggle with the most basic crock pot recipes. The closest thing I have to a blazer is a fake leather jacket from Kohls. My posture is causing me back problems.
My diaper bag has cupcakes on it.
I sing out loud (very loudly) and perform air guitar with the windows down while my kids stare blankly at me from the back seat.
I have two more tattoos and a nose ring.
Along this crazy adventure called motherhood trying to create another version of myself, I failed miserably because it took too much energy, too much effort to fight who I am and letting my true self come through in things I think, say, wear and otherwise.
I think that is one of the most valuable lessons you can teach your kids.
Don’t hide it, adjust it, or be embarrassed by it. Embrace it. It is you.
It takes a while to figure out who you are, but once you do (or at least get close) the last thing you do is back away from it and try to be what people, society or anyone else thinks you should be.
Kids can smell out a fake. And they are the most genuine, accepting and unconditionally loving people on the planet. They love you just the way you are. They don’t know anything else.
And I have learned that if I can try to be the best mom and person I can be (minus a couple swear words and plus a few more servings of fruit and veggies) that is a great start.
There is only one you and you owe it to yourself and your kids to be true to yourself. It is really your only one true obligation in life.
With that being said, I am proud to report that while back to school shopping with my 5 year old daughter, her number one request was a pair of Pumas.