TRANSITIONS | A Big Picture Perspective

What do you get when several moms with different perspectives weigh in on the same topic? A great conversation!

This post is part of our MomSense series on transitions. From what they eat and where they sleep, to who takes care of them and how they learn, parenting young kids means navigating a series of important transitions. If you think about it, you’re probably in the middle of one (or more!) right now. Keep reading for one contributor’s experience, and click here to read all posts in this series.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

What a wonderful series this has been on transitions! Even though transitions, whether mundane (baby food to real food) or magnificent (welcoming a new child into your home) are hard and can often be stressful, it is always nice to know that other Mamas have been through the same stress as you might be going through! Feeling like you aren’t alone is half the battle!

Here’s what we know: life is full of transitions and a life with little children under foot is especially full of transitions. I think I can experience 5 transitions alone in one day with two small kiddos! But, if knowing is half the battle then knowing that the big transitions are coming is power alone…sort of. If you know that something big is coming but don’t know how to handle it then all that knowledge doesn’t work for you. Instead it works against you in the form of stress and anxiety and worry.

Hold on though; as Mamas we have the distinct privilege of knowing that big things are indeed on the horizon. You may even know what kinds of transitions are coming your way. Are you about to give up the paci, potty train, welcome a new baby to the family or send your child to school? Some or all of those things are bound to occur in your household in the near future so what you need to know is how you are going to handle what motherhood throws at you.

1. Have a plan. Set a date on the calendar, prepare your home; maybe even a meal or two, and prep other members of the family that something big is about to go down for a couple of days. Try to clear your to-do list of other responsibilities and focus on the task at hand. Think through the transition and what the potential side effects may be. Will taking away a paci mean a longer bedtime routine and the potential to be getting up in the night? Then start the bedtime routine early and set your coffee pot to go off for you. Does potty training a younger sibling mean that the older sibling will feel left out of all the attention and prizes? Then pan a special skill or task that your older sibling can be working on quietly and reward them for what they accomplish. If you know what to expect then conquering the transition won’t be nearly as challenging.
2. Know your limits and create boundaries. Like a lot of things in parenting people often think that their way is the best way. Guess what? That isn’t always the case. Take advice with a grain of salt and understand that people are well meaning even if it comes across as pushy or arrogant. Develop your own team of trusted advisors and let that small group help you make big decisions but don’t let that group over rule your insight and instinct as the expert on your own children. Wise counsel doesn’t have to come from a compelling network of resources, but instead a resource or two with a compelling heart for you and your children.
3. Schedule time for yourself to get away. Even if it means a solo trip to the grocery store take those 30 minutes to be alone and not have someone be dependent on you. Even nursing Mama’s with brand new babies can do this. Get a friend to watch your baby sleep and go for a walk to clear your head or better yet, take a nap!! With older kiddos, you still need to get away in the midst of a big transition. One of the most popular potty training methods has you staying at home for three days straight with your naked toddler to get them to go to the bathroom alone. That might work for a 3 year old but not his Mama…you gotta get outta that house in those three days!! Go early in the morning before your spouse goes to work, or again call on your Mama friends to come give you a break for an hour or two. Your moments away will restore and refresh you to come back strong.
4. Finally, and most importantly, Maintain Perspective. I know it is hard to remember, but this season will pass and you won’t be here forever. Your daughter’s anxiety without her paci will go away, your son will be potty trained by the time he enters Kindergarten and your infant will eventually sleep through the night. It is so easy to get lost in the stress but take a minute to pull yourself up to the 10,000-foot view and realize that there is a way out of the stress. Just like the traffic helicopter that flies around the valley during rush hour and tells us what streets to avoid so we can get home quickly coming up from the “traffic jam” of transitions to the “sky” of perspective will help you to remember how to get through it.

The bottom line is that your kiddos won’t be kiddos forever and maintaining the big picture of parenthood will lead you through the stress at hand. In the middle of the tantrum, at 3am in the morning and after you have done your hundredth load of laundry; the truth of the matter is that you are raising young men and women to enter the world outside of the safety of your arms. These transitions are just a temporary roadblock in the “commute of life.” Drive slowly, utilize your “co-pilots” and if necessary pull over and take a break, you will get to your destination eventually.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tracy Carson is a Licensed Associate Professional Counselor, a wife to her Prince Charming whom she has been married to for 8 years and a Mom of two precious boys, 3 and 1.  Tracy has a passion for helping women feel beautiful inside and out and works hard in her faith based counseling practice, Professional Counseling Associates,  to encourage her clients to feel the freedom to be comfortable in their own skin.  She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders and counts it a privilege to come alongside of women as they overcome the stress that can come with new life transitions.  You can contact her at tracy (at) scottsdalemomsblog (dot) com or find her on the web at https://www.pcaaz.com