The Birds & The Bees


The what??? I know many of you may be reading this nursing your babies or cherishing the quiet while your toddler sleeps. Now I brought up THE talk and you have sweaty palms and heart palpitations. If you are anything like me, you are self-soothing, thankful that you won’t have to deal with this for years to come.

I am actually right there with you. I have only been a mom for 4 years. The last thing I want to talk to my kids about is the birds and bees, especially not any time soon.  However, that will not be my journey. My oldest child is 9 years old. My baby girl came home through adoption at 5 years of age. Right out of the gate, I was confronted with things like wiggling teeth, attitudes and heavy conversations. A year ago at her well-check, the pediatrician said we needed to have THE talk with her. With so many girls’ bodies changing earlier these days, she urged us to equip her with information. I totally understand that, but she just seemed like such a baby.  Too young for such things! An end to childhood! Or maybe I’m the baby not ready for such things.

I had to put on my big girl panties, though. The reality was it had to happen sooner than later. I wanted this topic in particular to come first from us as her parents. It would ideally unfold naturally, but knowing children, some of the hardest conversations must be initiated by their parents to really be authentic and thorough.

I got the best of both worlds, most unexpectedly. It would happen naturally and under my protection. We have been frequenting The Simple Farm, a urban farm right here in Scottsdale. We had to be there on a day when the female goats were being bred. We had had a few conversations here or there prior to this day, but this opened the door to a full conversation. I simply asked them if they had any questions about what she saw that day. I was casual and tried desperately to keep  my cool. At times that even meant biting the inside of my lip but I did it. The questions poured out of them, building on each other until it was all out there. My job was to give simple and honest answers and give them the space and time to process through all their thoughts. I couldn’t have asked for it to go any better.

At the end of it, we were more closely connected. My girls experienced once again that Mommy is a safe place for any topic. Most importantly? I did it! I am still breathing. I also thought our city living does put at us at a disadvantage to some things. Rural farm life probably allows for children to be exposed to and desensitized to aspects of this topic. It is a part of their every day life. For me, in dreading this topic, exposing them to the animal kingdom was a great initiator for us. It might be for you, too. Get to a FH club, zoo or farm. Talk about it with animals first. Start the conversation and then let them direct it. It will be over before you know it. Being a mom isn’t always easy. We have to do things that stretch us and grow us. I had THE talk. I think I can do anything now.

Have you had THE talk with your kids yet?  If so, do you have tips for others? If not, are you dreading it? What other topics are you dreading, if any?


  1. Beautiful post, Cate. On Christmas Eve during fancy dinner at Silverleaf, Allegra asked “but how does the baby get IN the mommy’s tummy?” :).

    In addition to the importance of the BIG TALK, all these little opportunities to welcome questions and give age-appropriate and situation-appropriate answers are little mini-gifts…

    Kudos to you, and thanks for sharing your wisdom. xo

Comments are closed.