A new school year brings a lot of excitement – new teachers, new schedules, and new friends. But it can also bring some anxiety to us parents, especially when we think about another year of homework and the daily battles that can result.
If you’ve ever found yourself nagging when you really don’t want to, or negotiating with your child over getting homework done, here are a few simple tips to guide you, from the experts at Love and Logic. These tips will make the whole issue of homework so much easier for your child, and for you.
Five Important Tips to Avoid Those Dreaded Homework Battles
1 Offer simple choices to your child.
Research shows that children are more likely to do their homework if they’re given several small choices, like these:
“Would you rather do your homework right after school or wait until four o’clock?”
“Are you going to do your homework in your room or at the kitchen table?”
“Are you going to do all of your homework right now or are you going to do half now and the rest after dinner?”
2 Make it a time for family learning.
The best way to create a love of learning in your kids is to show them how much you enjoy it. As often as possible, when your child sits down to do homework, spend that time nearby reading a book or researching an interesting topic. Have younger siblings do some quiet reading as well.
3 Help only if your child really wants you to.
There is nothing that creates more homework battles than parents who “help” when help is not wanted. Your child’s desire to do it alone is an extremely healthy sign of independence and responsibility. Don’t worry about their mistakes. It’s more important that they get in the habit of doing it all on their own.
4 Help only if your child does most of the work.
Our kids will quickly learn to ask for help if we get into the habit of doing most of the work. Say the following to yourself repeatedly: “This is my child’s homework. Not mine!” Smart parents back out of the helper role as soon as they sense conflict brewing. Try a hug and simply say, “I know this is hard, but you can do hard things. Good luck.”
5 Focus on what they are doing well.
DO NOT focus on what your child does wrong! Allow your child to get help in those areas from their teachers. Successful parents spend 99% of their energy noticing what their kids do well. They say things like:
“Show me the very best letter you made today. You really worked hard on that!”
“Look at that math problem. You got it right!”
Remember that there is nothing more damaging than stealing the struggle of learning by doing too much for your child.
Think about the end game. By the time your child moves on to middle school, you do not want to be helping with their homework. The goal of the elementary school years is to support and guide without overshadowing a child’s own efforts and growth.
Each time your child achieves something difficult on their own, their self-esteem soars and they are better prepared for the real world.
Step back in a loving and calm way parents and make it a great school year.
