It feels like recently, my friends have made comments to me like, “You Are a Supermom!” or say “I don’t know how you do it.” I am here to say, it doesn’t feel like a compliment. It means that I am doing too much and not taking care of myself. I only really realized this when working with mom after mom who is doing too much.
The truth is, yes I can do it all. But do I want to?
Doing it all is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Doing it all means that maybe I am not getting a lot of support from my partner. Maybe doing it all means that I am not doing a good job of advocating for myself or asking for help.
Asking for help is not a failure. It is not a sign of weakness.
Coming to the realization that asking for help is okay feels shocking to me sometimes. it feels wrong and raw. Why? Why is it that some women, myself included, find pride in literally drowning to not ask for help, or show people that we are struggling.
Doing it all and making it look effortless is exactly the opposite of being easy.
Usually I wrap up my blog with some advice or takeaways. But not this time. At least not for the mom who is doing it all and not asking for help, although there are lessons to be learned there too.
I think my takeaway for people who read this is if you have a friend that you feel like is a superhero and doing it all, don’t tell her that. Instead tell her that she’s a great mom, or that she is doing a great job, or even better offer to take her kid(s) for a play date. Or offer to bring her kids home from school one day. Or invite her for a brunch date, sans kids, and call it self care.
And if you are the mom who “does it all” or is a supermom, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup and that there is no shame in asking for help. Don’t feel bad for leaving your kiddo(s) in afterschool care or with a sitter for one extra hour so you can go to the gym or do something nice for yourself. It is okay. I am giving you permission. Your local (blogger) therapist said so.