How to Drive Alpha Moms Crazy



Definition of an Alpha Mom: Develops when an ‘A’ type personality has toddlers. Intimidating in Mommy circles; makes other moms feel inferior because of their regular attempts to out-do one another. Incredibly competitive and judgmental, Alpha Mom has to be the first with the latest trends. Her kids must be ahead of all other kids, and grow up in their car seats looking at the back of their mom’s head as they are driven from one activity to the next. To be avoided if possible. (As defined by the Urban Dictionary.)

So maybe you know a member of this species at your school. Here are five ways you can drive the ALPHA moms CrAzY!

  1. Make up a new Math program. You know about Kumon, Singapore Math, and Mathnasium. So how about Warrior Math (wrestling in the backyard while doing multiplication tables) or Mathapalooza (doing pre-algebra while Mommy blares Red Hot Chili Peppers and Pearl Jam from her iPad, 90’s style).
  2. Have your child take up an obscure instrument. No, I am not talking about piano or Suzuki Violin lessons. Have your child play the HARP. After all, this is the instrument of angels and is quite a rarity. Don’t forget to remind the Alpha Moms that Yale has a resident Harp program.
  3. Make Up Acronyms. Yes, we all know S.T.E.M. (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) & S.T.E.A.M. (science, technology, engineering, art & design and mathematics). Now I have a few acronyms to share. Here comes H.A.T.P.W.P. (hanging at the park with Popsicles) & P.W.A.M.S. (popcorn with a movie Saturday).
  4. Be Wild. You know, have kids read books that may not be part of a reading comprehension program, study things that your kids will never be tested / graded on, play hooky from school on a birthday, go to a concert on a school night (hello, Katy Perry). You get the picture: Be Wild!
  5. Don’t Buy Into the Hype. The best way to really drive Alphas crazy is not to jump on their bandwagon. They want more homework, more tests, more projects, more practice. You get the picture – they want MORE because they think More is Better. Just smile, and parent the way that works for your family.




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