I was recently talking to one of my divorced mom friends about her first year of being seperated and what really helped her get through it. She had some interesting thoughts to share on how we can help our mommy friends who are newly separated or newly divorced:
Do not wait to be asked to help out…offer first:
It seems that like in most crises, it is always nicer to have someone offer to help out than have to ask someone for help. My friend recently went back to the workforce post divorce and she said just knowing that her kids could walk home with a friend one day a week instead of going to afterschool care was an AMAZING gift one friend gave her.
As my friend put it, “I want all my friends to have happy, beautiful lives but sometimes it is hard to see those amazing vacation photos on Facebook.” Perhaps now is not the right time to share your plans for your French County kitchen remodel or your trip to Hawaii. Be sensitive that your friends are going through a major change that usually involves financial changes.
Continue the Family Invites:
She said that especially in a tight knit neighborhood it was very hard when people didn’t know what to do so they would drop their family from party lists like an annual 4th of July family barbeque. My friend said that she and her ex established that whoever had the kids at the time of the party would attend the family festivities. The last thing she wanted was for her kids to feel like their support/friends were gone so please keep the invitations coming and let the couple handle the logistics.
Change in your friendship is inevitable (and that’s OK):
Your friend may now be dating , working full-time, and managing a household solo. Change is bound to happen. This doesn’t mean you need to be her wing-man at the bar every Saturday night, but you do need evolve your friendship.
Laughter and Positive Energy Helps:
Sometimes a funny text has amazing results. Just being a FRIEND who is able to see the positive side of any predicament can yield amazing results. The first year of divorce is of course full of challenges, but showing your friend that you are their for the long haul is just what they need.