It was sometime after Halloween but before Thanksgiving. That magical time of year when your young children have gotten a big taste of sugar and remembered how much they are addicted to it. On this particular day, the whining became excessive – once still in their PJs, several times on the ride home from school, with big desperate wails as I was cooking dinner: “can I PLEEEEEEASE have just ONE MORE TREAT?”
After patiently reminding them over and over, sometimes with a smile, more often with a scowl, that there were no more treats for today and to stop asking, I finally snapped. Big deep breath, followed by the roar: “NO MOOORE TREEAAAATSS!”
My inner voice felt good! And then I looked at their stunned faces and realized that maybe I was a little too loud. Sigh…Guilt kicked in, but the whining, the pleading, the bad behavior— it was driving me nuts and I didn’t know what to do about it.
Enter the Warm Fuzzy. I sat my four year old down and apologized to her for yelling. I explained to her that the whining had to stop but I didn’t know how else to get them to understand. She surprised me by suggesting that we do what they do in preschool. It’s entirely possibly all young teachers are made aware of this magical tool, but I didn’t know about it – and all it requires are some colorful fuzz-balls and a heart shaped box. Of course we would do that!
The concept is that every time you catch your little one(s) doing something that makes your heart feel warm and fuzzy (get it?) you tell them that you saw them do xyz, and they can put a fuzzy into your heart. When the box is full, the kids get to do something fun. At school it’s extra recess, but at home it can be getting to choose the playground you’ll go to, or getting to spend extra 1×1 time with a parent on the weekend. Positive reinforcement all the way!
So the next morning, the first thing I did was go on a hunt for some warm fuzzies and a heart-shaped box. The dollar store was a win for the fuzzies, and I finally found a heart-shaped box in the bottom back shelf of Michaels. Online shopping would have probably saved me some time.
On Day One of Operation Warm Fuzzy, just on the way home from school, I caught our four year old holding the garage door open for her younger sister – one day after the baby got her fingers slammed in said door – and that earned two warm fuzzies. During dinner prep, I turned around to find both of them setting the table (with kid plates) on their own. That earned a warm fuzzy. Of course they sometimes ask for it – “If I finish my dinner can I get a warm fuzzy?” or “If I share this toy, can I get a warm fuzzy?” – but it doesn’t work that way. I have to catch them in the act.
Before I knew it, I was catching them doing nice things regularly – and miraculously, the whining lessened.
Were they motivated to be nicer because they’d be rewarded?
Was it because I was looking more for the positives and less for the negatives?
I am not sure, and it may be a combination of both, but I know that the tone in our home has changed and the children and I are happy for it!
What other methods have worked for you to change your children’s behavior for the better?
