Baby Number Two: When Is The Right Time?

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Let me start by saying that, NO, I am NOT pregnant! Nor do I want to be pregnant right now. But apparently everyone else thinks eight months is a fair time to ask me when baby number two is coming. Being honest, I know that we are so not ready for numero dos. We are looking forward to growing our family, but we also are just loving this time with Bray. Loving his personality, loving the sleeping through the night {:)}, and just know that now is not the time. But I want all you mamas who already have two {or three,four,etc} to tell me your experience.

We would love for our babies to be somewhat close in age, preferably around two years apart. Obviously, we cannot fully control whatever happens, but that seems to be what would work for us. Whenever I think of us getting pregnant soon, I picture my now non-mobile {he’s almost crawling, but not yet} baby sitting on a big ol’ belly. I picture a newborn crying in the middle of the night, waking up Bray, and them just taking turns being awake all night {haha, who am I kidding- this will probably happen no matter what the age gap is-right?!}. But, I also picture siblings being so close in age that they will grow up to be best friends, like my sister and I {we’re 18 months apart}.

So here are my questions for you: what did you all do? What time lapse worked well for you? Pros and cons to having them really close vs. waiting longer in between. I would love any and all input from you experienced mamas!

19 COMMENTS

  1. My siblings and I are far apart 4 and 6 years respectively. We just had our first baby and aren’t looking to have another until she is about 2 or 3 . I have a lot of friends who have close in age siblings but weren’t close to them until after high school (and at times hated them before and during high school/middle school) of course it is always parents preference with what works for you! BTW my brother and sister and I are extremely close despite our age difference and I love it!

  2. I have a 10 month old and am due in August. I wasn’t expecting that to happen, but I’m excited. Well it took awhile to get excited but I’m there now. I doubt there is ever a perfect time. I’m just grateful for the chance to be a mom again.

  3. There is no perfect age gap..and sleeping all night can’t be a factor;) because you won’t sleep through the night until they are all out of the house and prob not even after that;) but I have two close in age and then a gap and another and I will say they both had there pros and cons its nice now that the other two are older because you go through stages at the same time but its nice having them able to take care of themselves and then having a baby..honestly there’s no perfect time for a baby..just Gods time..

  4. Our daughter is turned two in November and I am 33 weeks with our son. Our kiddos will be 2.3 years apart. I think it’s perfect, but it’s going to be work. I honestly feel like 15-18 months was a really challenging time for me with my daughter. (Ex: She was into everything, picky eater, took random naps and teething non-stop). We ended up getting pregnant right after she turned 19 months and I am really happy about how much more independent she is now than she was now. She is excited about the baby and told my belly “I love you bruder” just yesterday. Adding more is always going to be a change, but in the long run they will probably be closer later on the younger they are now.

  5. I think it’s honestly harder to plan the 2nd than it was the first. I stopped stressing and I am now just letting it happen whenever it’s supposed to.

  6. My first two are 21 months apart. That was difficult feeling like I had a big baby and a newborn. Having two that close for me was more difficult than adding a third or a fourth. With that said, those kids are now 8 and 6 1/2 and different genders and have absolutely been the best of friends their whole lives. They look out for and take care of one another. I wouldn’t have it any other way. #3 came when #2 was 25 months old. What a difference that extra few months of development that made for #2! (He was also a very easy-going child, which helped!) Then #4 came when #3 was 3 1/2. My body definitely needed some recoup time. It has been so so very enjoyable this go-round! I can soak up so much of my baby now that I don’t have a one or two year old to care for. I don’t think I have every enjoyed a baby so much! I have a little more wisdom and don’t worry about others’ unsolicited advice. And having the older children to play with has been such a perk! I can’t say which spacing is better because they each have their pros and cons. I’m just loving the dynamics of my family life. Yes there are skirmishes and arguments, but I love that everyone has a playmate and they will all grow up together. At the end of the day you just have to trust that you know what is best for you and your family and try to enjoy the journey! You will get opinions left and right as have I, but I wouldn’t change one single thing. (I am also so very lucky to have babies who sleep through the night {7-8 hrs} around 6-8 weeks. All of my kids sleep for a solid 12 hours now, otherwise I’d be a monster!)

  7. My two are 4 years apart. My daughter two are 2 years and 11 days apart and they would like 4 to 6 and all of them 2 years apart all in the same month. They are planning to work on #3 this summer. I hope there plan works with God’s plan.

  8. Each mom (and dad) has to decide what works for them. And asking themselves questions like “Do I want two in diapers?” and “Do we feel it’s important for the current child to be walking/talking/potty trained before Child #2 arrives?” is so valuable. It’s important that the parents sit down, ask questions, talk openly and realistically with each other about the changes in responsibility, work load, the finances, and more, that another baby brings. With ALL that said, I don’t think there’s ever the perfect time to start a family or figure out the spacing of your babies. Those little angels have a knack for surprising Moms and Dads. 😉 You just have to do what works best for you and your family situation. 🙂

  9. Mousey- Forget them all being in diapers – you three were wearing different sizes for years! The one thing I loved was that your brother could bring you things I asked for, entertained himself while I attended you two and your sissy at 18 months would say — E E Anne crin- n. You are young and have PLENTY of years to space the gbabies! Lovingly, Mama

  10. Our boys are 22 months apart and it was HARD. But now, they’re 2 and 4 and the age gap doesn’t seem so bad. I would have spaced them out further if I could (and am trying to do that with the next!!) but now that they’re here, it’s fun that they’re close. No matter what, it’s going to be a huge adjustment. Good luck girl!! 😉 xo

  11. I have 4 kids, all of them are about 18 months apart. 5, 3 1/2, 2, 9 months! This wasn’t planned, just kind of happened….but I love them being so close. 1st off since they are all close in age, they all have no problems playing with each other. My sister and I are 6 years apart, and when we were little I didn’t wanna play with her ever cause she was way younger than me.
    As for me, I like still being in the baby mode. Since they are so close, I have never had to remember what its like to not have sleep or what its like to nurse etc etc!
    Now that I have 4 honestly whats 10 more haha, well maybe not 10, but I really think it gets easier the more you have. I have helpers all the time!! They all get one on one ‘mama and papa’ time and are all potty trained except for my 9 month old. (for all those wondering how expensive diapers are for all these kids)

    • p.s. financially we are doing good too. They are all still pretty little that food wise they don’t eat much so for dinner i’m not cooking a bunch more (yet!!) And we have been saving up for private school since the public schools around where I live are not great. You do what you gotta do and adjust accordingly.

  12. My two are four years apart. We had originally wanted a smaller age gap, but honestly the four years turned out to be perfect. I breastfed our first for 18 months and once i finished that, I just felt like my body needed a break. Ethan was potty trained, sleeping through the night and attending preschool and he was a great help when his sister Maya arrived! Our daughter just slotted in perfectly with very little upheaval. She’s 6 months now and our little family has some semblance if a routine going. Every family dynamic is different, but for us, this time frame worked out great.

  13. Great question! It’s fun to talk about, even though everyone has a different experience, even with kids at similar ages, because all kids are just-different!! ; )

    We have two daughters who are 21 months apart. It wasn’t planned and honestly, I was pretty devastated when we found out we were pregnant with #2, but it’s been THE biggest blessing! I needed my babe and God knew that. Having a newborn (and I LOVE the baby stage) made my more patient with my nearly two year old because breastfeeding and cuddling a little one just does something to me. It just gave me the reminder that even though my eldest was driving me up the wall, she was still my baby too. They were both in diapers for a bit, but #1 potty-trained soon after. #1 also doesn’t remember life without sister which is nice.

    They are now 2 and 4 and it’s just great. They play (mostly) well together and can almost share clothing. The 2 year old looks up to big sis so much and it’s adorable! They are constantly looking out for one another and even share a bed. We’re now expecting #3 and this baby will be almost 3 years younger than #2 and 4&half years younger than #1. I’m counting on both my girls being a big help and they are already so excited!!

    In reality, we don’t get to plan anything and I think children are a blessing always (though I haven’t always believed this as strongly as I do now). God knows what we need more than we do!

  14. We have two kids so far and they are 3 years apart (now 3 and 6 years). They are still not playmates. It drives me crazy. They do not play well together and thus are not allowed to play much together unless I am with them constantly.

    Similarly, my sister and I were also 3 years apart and we did not ‘play well’ together or were actually friends until we were 12 and 15!!! My husband has a 5 and 7 year difference with his siblings; the two older (2 years apart) are very close and were friends early on and still are, while he was not included in their games but was more of ‘the game’ as they ganged up on him. Large age differences can make things more difficult in childhood and adulthood.

    Many of my friends have kids that are in the 15-18 month age difference and their relationships are amazing. Yes, hard work {isn’t that parenting in general?!} BUT the kids can more quickly play together and really be ‘friends’ – which to a mom is bliss!! :-}

  15. My husbands and I got married in June of last year , and quite unexpectedly got pregnant two weeks later !!! It was quite a shock, but we are so very excited ! Anyways, we’ve decided that we want this little one to be 2 1/2 – 3 before we try for a second one! My siblings and I are 3.6,9 years apart And it is generally the same with my husbands, except he has a sister that is is 18 months older than him.

  16. you little guy is adorable! anyways- no right answer I suppose :). my daughter was 19 months when our twins arrived. pretty crazy first year- but honestly I don’t remember a whole lot from back then lol- sleep deprivation. but now that they are 5, 5, 6 it’s fantastic. i’m thankful for how the Lord planned our family. though i will say my SIL is almost a decade younger than her sister and they are best friends now as adults. it all works out.

  17. I remember getting lots of nosey questions eight months after our first born was born and maybe people should ask if the parents want more instead of when is the next one. It just seems to be a very inappropriate question. At that time I had just suffered a miscarriage but I learned that if people want to ask intrusive questions then they can have the answer they weren’t expecting. How do you respond to ‘well, I just had a miscarriage so not for awhile’? As heartbreaking as that experience was, we have been blessed with another pregnancy, which did give us more time with our daughter and to get used to how active a toddler can be. At this point, I can look forward to our firstborn being out of diapers pretty soon and she is becoming more and more amazing by the day. I don’t know that I could fully appreciate how absolutely wonderful she is if I already had another on my hands.

    We are totally blessed with another bun in the oven and I am due any day now. Our firstborn will be two years old shortly after this one is born. I can honestly say that it might be worth it to wait until the teething is over with for the first born. Our firstborn is sprouting the last of her teeth (2nd molars) and caught a cold on top of it. These set of teeth were the most excruciating for her with a bad fever for days and lots of sleepless nights. It’s really, really hard to take care of a small child when you are suffering from pregnancy related sleep deprevation and then whatever your little one catches, you catch so teething toddler with a cold and a VERY pregnant mommy with a cold is no fun for anyone.

  18. I firmly believe that the gift of a sibling at any age difference is such a treasure! My sister & I are 2.5 years apart & I believe that is perfect because she will forever be my best friend. From a mom perspective, you kinda go through the baby stages together as a family when they are closer in age. ( diaper bags, limits on certain activities, etc) but I personally have 8 year difference in my 1st two (brothers) & I’d never change that I got to be there for every thing (without another child to need me.) for him. His love language is quality time so was such a foundation for him. He & his brother are incredibly close. Do I wonder about the future when he leaves? No, they are brothers with thousands of memories together! My 2nd & 3rd are 4 years apart- & it’s a very sweet relationship too. My 4 yr old is able to understand why a lot of my day is spent with my 4 month old. No one can make her smile like he can! In summary, you are family! You are all on the same team no matter what age! It’s what you practice in intentional love ( individual time & family time) that defines your dynamic!

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