Okay, I am going to be blunt with all of you. There is one thing that no one tells you when you are happy and aglow with a bun in the oven. You still have no idea what is in store for you when you are joyfully leaving the hospital, waiting to start your new life with your little precious baby. But I am going to let you all in on a little secret that happens to every mother.
Here goes – your children are going to embarrass you (at least once or, in my case, many times)! I don’t mean on purpose, like when they throw themselves on the floor of the grocery store having a tantrum. That part I was prepared for. What I was not prepared for was the surprise; I didn’t see that coming – total embarrassment. I know what you are thinking, “yeah right, how much trouble can a little one really get into”. . . .well, let me give you some examples.
– When the twins were babies, I was talking to a salesman while holding one baby and the other was in our stroller. We chatted about whatever service or product I needed that day. I’ll be darned if he wasn’t he the nicest salesman I had ever talked to, especially when I had two children in tow. Well it wasn’t until I walked out of the store that I realized my lovely, innocent child had unbuttoned my shirt, exposing myself to this man. I was horrified. I don’t think I have worn a button up shirt since.
– A friend of mine took her small children to the doctor’s office. This wasn’t their normal doctor; it was some specialist that they had been referred to go see. She was busy filling out the paperwork while waiting in the examination room with all of her children. It wasn’t until seconds before the doctor walked into the room that she realized one of her children had found a marker and drawn all over the examination room wall. Could you just die!?
– Countless times I have been embarrassed by my children in small innocent ways. I once walked around half the day with a giant pink bow on my head. My then 2 year old had “done my hair” that morning for fun. I didn’t realize I had this bow on my head until I had run all sorts of errands and went in to school to pick up my older kids. Ugh, so embarrassing.
– We also have had our share of the kids learning what is appropriate to say around strangers and what is not. The “why does that man look so funny?”, “why is that woman brown / black / orange /you name it?“, and my personal favorite, “Is that man having a baby too?” Of course, we used all of these for excellent teaching moments for the kids. But that is only after dragging my children from whatever store, park or public area we were at as fast as possible before they could say anything else in their very loud and uncontrollable voice. I am turning red just thinking about it.
-Last one, I promise. My mother-in-law gave my children this wonderful DVD movie called Noddy. You can check the link; this is a legitimate PBS cartoon. My children told countless people that we have a “Noddy movie” at home. (Say it out loud if you need to get the full implication of what they were telling everyone.) I was able to assure some that they didn’t mean what it sounds like, but I only wonder how many teachers, friends, etc. they have told this to . . .
So if you are a first time mom, there you have the truth. At least you will be more prepared than I was for when you inadvertently flash strangers or have to deal with innocent but cringe-worthy toddler questions in public.