Is Costco making me fat?

My youngest turned one last week!

This means I can no longer use the excuse “I just had a baby!” to explain those last few pregnancy pounds I’m still trying to loose…well, at least not with a straight face. Like many moms, I’ve held on to a couple of, what I lovingly call, “Souvenier Pounds!” from each pregnancy.

I’ve tried to shake them, but they still greet me every morning as I step on the scale. “Hello! Good morning! You’ve had 2 children! I’m the evidence! Why don’t you just accept it and toss those college jeans?”

So now I’m trying to find the hidden causes of my inability to loose those extra lb’s. But, rather than look too hard, I’m blaming Costco.

I love Costco; but this hasn’t always been the case. In fact, a few years ago I wasn’t even a member of Costco. I know what you’re thinking: A stay at home Scottsdale Mom who isn’t a Costco member! I guess in theory it’s possible that she could exist, but, like a potty-trained 18-month-old, or siblings who like to share, or unicorns; no one has ever actually seen such a thing!

It wasn’t like I was anti-Costco. It just didn’t seem to make sense for me. They didn’t have the diapers I liked, I didn’t think I had enough storage in my kitchen, and, the big one, there wasn’t a Costco close by. Then, everything changed. They put a Costco in PV Mall and before I knew it, I was in the club! It started innocently enough. I was meeting a friend at the library across the street for toddler-time and she casually mentioned that she was going to Costco afterwards. I needed milk and decided to join her. It turned out I could store 3 half-gallons of organic low-fat milk in my fridge after all! A few weeks later we were back, allowing our kids to ride the PV Mall carousel and play in their nice soft playground when another mom suggested we get the kids Costco pizza for lunch…. And that my friends, is how it began…

Why Costco is making it impossible for me to loose weight:

Pizza: If you’ve had pizza from Costco, then you know exactly what I’m talking about! If you haven’t, don’t say I didn’t warn you! I stumbled into my love for this pizza quite by accident. Pizza is my son’s favorite food so I ordered one slice, just enough for him. (I was, of course, planning to eat organic celery and purified water with lemon slices when I got home) I paid whatever ridiculously low price they were asking, (maybe 65 cents?) and they handed me the plate. I then learned that at Costco, one slice of pizza is really TWO slices of pizza! They may as well have called it the “Mommy & Me Pizza Package” There was no way my then 2-and-a-half-year-old was going to eat all that pizza himself! And I couldn’t just throw the other slice away. I would have been wasting something like 17 cents. So, we split it, and thus began a dangerous little lunchtime tradition.

Variety packs: Kids are fickle. They like what they like and that’s all they like. So, when I buy a giant box of granola bars at Costco, there’s a good chance that it will be a variety pack and that my son will only like 2 out of the 3 varieties. This leaves us with the predictable scene of me, standing in front of my stuffed-to-the-brim pantry with 12 peanut butter granola bars taking up too much precious space in the small bin devoted to snack food. The baby can’t eat peanut butter and the little boy doesn’t like it. So yes, I step up and I take one for the team. I eat a peanut butter granola bar and do my little part to help return order to the pantry!

Portion Control: I have read scientific studies proving that switching to smaller plates  makes you loose weight because you automatically serve yourself a smaller potion, thereby reducing your caloric intake. Using this logic and the very unscientific experiment I am currently running with my bathroom scale and a pair of pink pants that I looked so cute wearing in my 20’s, I can only assume that having food in large quantities might convince some part of the brain that these larger portions are actually the appropriate serving size. Could this theory of mine be right? Yes. Unfortunately science has spoken and the verdict is clear: my pink pants are too tight.

Samples: Ahh… the hidden danger in “sampling” How many calories have I consumed out of tiny white paper cups? Foods that I NEVER eat, foods that don’t even tempt me, like bacon and fried wontons, those are the sorts of things I sample while shopping at Costco. I rarely buy them, which helps keep their damage to a minimum. But, every once in a while, my son will try them too. He’ll scarf down whatever the generous Costco samplers are peddling, ask for seconds, then beg me to buy more. Since he’s usually such a picky eater and I’m always sorta-desperate for new lunch ideas, it’s tempting to put the food in the cart. But, I’ve been burned by him before, “You REALLY like these? Are you absolutely SURE if I buy this 75-pack of corndogs, you will REALLY eat them?” He enthusiastically assures me and into our deep freeze they go. Of course, he will never again eat a corn dog. He will come to hate the word “corndog” and suddenly have no recollection whatsoever of the “alleged” Costco trip where we purchased the corndogs in question. He’ll give me a confused and frustrated look, the kind of expression I can only imagine on the face of someone struggling with amnesia, all the while insisting he never said such a thing. By, this point, you should know how the story ends. You know who ends up eating the corndogs. Her name starts with “M” and rhymes with “Tommy” Ugh… I still can’t believe I ate a corndog. That was really gross.

So that’s where I am now. I’m probably going to keep shopping at Costco because it actually is one of my favorite stores. But I am learning that with this great opportunity to shop for bulk groceries at reduced prices comes great responsibility. It’s a responsibility I have clearly taken too lightly.

As I really examine the situation, I think in the end, the thing that initially won me over may just be the same thing that eventually does me in. I just can’t say “no” to a slice of Costco Pizza.