3 Things I Do Better Than Anyone Else

You may have seen my rant yesterday about the 5 things other moms do better than me?  However, there are a few things and I mean “a few” quite literally… that I can do (I could only come up with three) where I feel certain I do better than anyone else:

1. Teach my children

My husband, who would absolutely love the idea of me homeschooling our kids,  can never hear about this post. (Not that I’m in any way against homeschooling.  I  just know it would not be a good idea for me!) But, as long as he’s unaware of this, I  will say that I am actually pretty good at teaching my children. And, to make matters  worse, I really enjoy it. It truly is one of the greatest feelings ever to have my son see  a large advertisement and point out the letter “D”, say the sound it makes, and to  know that I was the one who taught him that. The ability to introduce my children to  new things and to shape their understanding is really pretty exciting. If you tell my  husband I said any of this, I will deny it.

2. Speak their language

I took Spanish for six years and haven’t the slightest ability to communicate in that  language (or even count to twenty). This makes me especially proud of my superior  translation skills with regards to my 3-year old. He has developed his own unique  language and he and I are the only two people in the world who can speak and  understand it fluently.

Examples:

“Mom, I don’t want to hear the ”Oh-Oh” song but I want to hear the song after the song  you didn’t play”

Translation: He wants to hear track #3 on the CD he got from Vacation Bible School  at his cousin’s church. (FYI- the “Oh-Oh song” means track #1 and “the song I didn’t  play” is track #2, which I once skipped over and it is forever solidified in his mind  as “the one I didn’t play” I am very sorry I once recklessly pressed fast forward…will  you ever forgive me?

“Today, can we please go to the place where there are no teachers and there are just  moms and big boys and French fries and buckets”?

Translation: He wants to go to DC Ranch Country Club to go swimming. Here’s the  problem: We’re not members there. He went there once for a swim play date several weeks ago and now he wakes up every morning asking if we can go back. I take  him to a million fun, lovely places but for some reason this is where he wishes we’d  spend all our time. Honestly!

“Can you help me find the monitor that my baby brother uses to make me sick with  diarrhea…but I’m not going to ask for the glass, okay?”

Ahh… you’re thinking this is a tricky one right? No problem!

Translation: He wants me to find him this old broken pink Walgreens brand  thermometer. (He calls thermometers “monitors”) He loves this thing! He once  referred to this old broken thermometer as “his most favorite thing in the whole  wide world” (Oh, I am so glad we’ve spent hundreds of dollars on books, toys, and play sets!) The part about his baby brother using the thermometer to make him sick with diarrhea came about after the 100th or so time I asked him not to chew on the thermometer. I explained that it was a rectal thermometer that I used to take his brother’s temperature and that those germs could make him sick with a tummy ache or even diarrhea. NOTE-this is not true. I just didn’t want him chewing on it any  more.

When he says he’s “Not going to ask for the glass”, he is negotiating with me from  he very start. The thermometer originally came in a clear plastic case (he thinks it’s glass). I determined immediately that it could be a chocking hazard, so I took it  away. He thinks that if he shows me he’s willing to meet me halfway by offering up the case as a bargaining chip then I’ll be more likely to give him the thermometer.

Do you see why I can’t go back to work? How on Earth could I explain all this to a nanny?

3. Love my children:

Okay… I know it’s clichéd and obvious but guess what? It’s totally true. The other day my son hopped out of the car and bolted into the parking lot. Another car was backing up and I knew she didn’t see him. Without one moment’s hesitation I literally threw myself in front of the moving vehicle to keep it away (it stopped and never hit me!) But here’s the thing… I have never done anything like that before and it wasn’t even a choice. I specifically remember thinking “I can stop this car with my body” and thinking how grateful I was to be standing close enough to the car to be able to do it! And… this is after he had just spent the entire car ride telling me how much better daddy was than me and how he was never going to obey me again. Yet, I still jumped in front of a moving car for him! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

Well actually… I kinda do. The truth is I threw away his “monitor that his brother uses to make him sick with diarrhea” and for the past week the poor guy has been carrying around the folded up paper instruction manual that came with it. When I look at his sweet little face sleeping and snuggling with the manual I start to feel guilty. I mean he can’t even read! He just looks at the diagram style pictures of it. I think I might have to buy him a new one…I know most people would look at the mountains of great toys surrounding him and wouldn’t do that, but I probably will, and I think that’s how I know I love him more than anyone else in the world could!

*****

Kirsten Dunlap can’t wait to find out what she’s going to be when she grows up, but she hopes it somehow involves writing. In the meantime, she enjoys driving around Scottsdale looking for large construction vehicles and any sort of Lightning McQueen- endorsed merchandise with her two boys. She is so grateful to be married to a wonderful man who is not only ridiculously handsome, but agrees that an occasional moms-night- out is absolutely essential! Kirsten has a degree in journalism and before she was promoted to “mommy”, she worked in television news as a reporter and an anchor. She worked internationally as a foreign correspondent intern for the government of Finland. Kirsten and her reporting have been featured nationally on CNN.