What do you get when several moms with different perspectives weigh in on the same topic? A great conversation!
This post is part of our MomSense series on transitions. From what they eat and where they sleep, to who takes care of them and how they learn, parenting young kids means navigating a series of important transitions. If you think about it, you’re probably in the middle of one (or more!) right now. Keep reading for one contributor’s experience, and click here to read all posts in this series.
Back in our pre-toddler days, my husband and I decided that once our little ones were able to talk their beloved “Paci’s” would have to go. Our reasoning was that we did not want the ‘plug’ in their mouths keeping them from communicating with us, or WORSE {in our minds} having our child talking through their pacifier- with the terrible spitty sounds and all. However, we did not expect that our son would be as incredibly verbal as he was/is from such a young age. By 16 months we discussed and implemented the rule that ‘Paci’ was only for naptime and bedtime. This went over pretty well, but my husband and I just didn’t have anything giving us that final push to take it away. We thought, maybe we will just slowly phase it out {which didn’t work,} but then one day it happened.
I caught my precocious 19 month old with his ‘Paci’ while he was playing in his room. Upon my gentle reminder that ‘Paci’s’ are for sleeping and that he needed to please bring it to Mama, he threw it at me and defiantly said, “FINE!” {over dramatic? oh yeah}. So I calmly said to him, “Parker, you do NOT throw things at Mommy when you are frustrated. I am sorry, but now you may not have your ‘Paci’ anymore.”I then set out to collect all of his hidden pacifiers from around the house, put them in with a box of his old clothes, and that was that. Our journey had begun.
The first 2 days when he asked for it at naptime and at bedtime he had to be reminded of the consequence from his tantrum- but he still fell asleep. It wasn’t until the third night that it really hit him, I think. He just wanted to snuggle for what felt like hours {which, in my book is heavenly}. Then as I was rubbing his back and singing lullaby’s he rolled over, grabbed my face in his small hands and said gently, ‘Mommy, may I have Paci? PLEASE?‘ {and mind you he has the biggest blue eyes and they were a bit misty} At this point I am trying my best to hold it together, because 1- He just asked me so politely, and 2-I know how much he loved that little piece of plastic. I looked him in the eyes and said, ‘Parker, thank you for asking so nicely- you are the sweetest little boy. I am so sorry but you may not have another ‘Paci’. I love you and it’s time to go to sleep.’ He gave me his pitiful pouty lip, then said, ‘Ok… Mama, may I have milk?! PLEASE!!!’ I gladly obliged, and he drifted off into peaceful slumber.
Every now and again he asks me for his old pal the ‘Paci’ but I have been so proud of him. We really learned through this transistion that gradual changes do not work for our son. He needs his transistions to be intentional, with a stark contrast between what was and what will be. With subtle changes he is easily confused as to what exactly we expect of him, but when the change is drastic he adapts and makes great efforts to accept his new challenges and move forward.
I’ve heard this isn’t always as easy as we have experienced…Has your son or daughter said goodbye to their pacifier yet? What did your transistion look like? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Jess Fischer is a Phoenix native who is happily married to her very best friend Lukas. She has two beautiful babies (15 ½ months apart!!) her son Parker and her daughter Piper. She has a love for most things domestic- be it cooking, sewing, crafting, or gardening although she has never enjoyed cleaning (oh well!) She loves saving money and views it as a game that she is constantly trying to win. She enjoys spending time with her family above all else. She recently started her own business and loves keeping friends and family up to date with her life on her family blog.
We had to lose the pacifier early with our first child because of thrush. It was a blessing–after we broke the habit (45 minutes of crying the first night) he didn’t want it anymore.
At about 4 months old, my Parker (now almost 8 months), suddenly was no longer interested in the pacifier. He had always been VERY picky on which pacifiers he would take anyhow. Instead, he has taken up the occasional thumb sucking but that tends to only be when he is SUPER hungry or SUPER tired. Sometimes I’ll take his thumb out of his mouth and he doesn’t generally fuss or put it back in so I am not too worried about that. Hoping we have as much luck if/when we have another! 🙂
The pacifier was always very important to Lily and we decided to wait until the two-year milestone before getting rid of it. In Finland it is recommended that children do not use pacifiers after this point. We timed it around her birthday which was between our move here and the future birth of her little sister, thus a bit distant to big changes in life. I read online about ideas and we decided to go for something that sounded like fun for all of us. One Saturday after lunch we took her to Build-A-Bear and chose together a cuddly toy. We had talked to her during that week about saying bye-bye to the pacifier and she had a last suck of it before we put it inside her new Doggy. It all went surprisingly well, she didn’t have any sleep disruption even if we were prepared for restless nights. The only thing was that she stopped napping in the house. She still sleeps in the car if we are out and about in the afternoon but refuses to nap inside. She sleeps well in the night so the lack of napping is mainly just tiring for me as I do not get any time alone during the day. She remembers that her pacifier is inside the Doggy and she did talk about it for a few weeks but she never got sad which was surprising. This is a bit of a commercial approach, I’m sure you could invent a similar goodbye ritual at home but for us it was a fun experience especially as there are no such shops in Finland.
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