I knew it was coming. I heard the stories. One by one friends were telling me that their children, Reagan’s age, were doing it. I didn’t know what to really expect. How would my little angel turn from a compliant baby into a demanding toddler?
Then it happened.
She started pointing to something she wanted. Something forbidden. Something dangerous. I said “No thank you” and moved her away from the impending danger. She lost all control threw her head back and flung her body forward and was a puddle of tears sobbing on the floor.
Really? Is it THAT sad?
I guess our emotions have to turn on at some point and when they do it’s not just a gradual, “Um, that’s a bummer, but I’ll move on and find something else to do”.
No, it’s the end of the world, apparently.
I can also tell that I’m starting to see more and more GRAY AREAS when it comes to discipline. Do I spank for that? Do I use a time out? What should I use to distract her? Is it really that big of a deal? What am I teaching her? Am I messing her up? Will she turn into a monster child? Does she know that I love her? AHHHHK! And the worst part is that it seems as though how we deal with this little phase will set the tone for all the other phases to come. Now that’s a lot of pressure.
So tell me, how did you deal with the toddler meltdowns? Do you have any pearls of wisdom to help me through this stage? What battles did you fight?
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Joy is the Co-founder of Scottsdale Moms Blog and absolutely loves living in Scottsdale with her hubby Kevin and their daughter Reagan (born August 2009) and a boy on the way (coming May 2011). She is a lover of nature, a research analyst on all things related to life, a home manager, a crafty art-eest, Chief Marketing Officer for Cactus CrossFit, mommy, daughter and friend.
Oh yes. Doesn’t it make you want to laugh and smile and scream all at the same time? You want to high-five them for growing into little independent beings (and, yes, future strong women :)) without giving in to their every whim…
The Happiest Toddler on the Block is a quick read. You might not adopt all of his strategies (I didn’t) necessarily, but just the information on the development of a toddler (it goes from age 1-4) is really interesting. Also I love this parenting website: https://yourparentingsolutions.com/.
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Thanks Sarah! So helpful! I’m putting it on my list – and ordering it RIGHT NOW!
I have no advice for you, but am going through the exact same thing with my once sweet little girl. At almost 21 months, her tantrums are getting more and more impressive every day!
Oh Lindsay, good luck! Let me know if you have any breakthrough advice!
Can’t wait to hear some veteran mama thoughts….ugh….we’re in the same boat (as you well know)!
Oh Joy! This is where we have been at with Parker, and I think we are slowly figuring out our strategy. The hard part is that every child is so incredibly different and responds to different methods of discipline better or worse than another child. With Parker we have found that simply getting down to eye level, telling him firmly ‘no’ and giving him a small flick on the hand works every time. But he has this very gentle spirit that is quick to repent when he is in trouble and just wants to say sorry and give us hugs and kisses after being disciplined. I think you just try a few different methods and then whatever is most effective stick with it. The consistency is far more important than the method 🙂
This is encouraging Jess – “be consistent” – my new mantra! Thanks!
We use the methods in the book 1-2-3 magic for stop behaviors – and it works great (the book is a quick read if you’re interested). It’s a positive discipline method that helps keep you calm and lets them know what to expect with counting.
I once heard something that really put things into perspective for me: Try to put yourself in their situation.. the entire world is new to them, every day it gets bigger and scarier – they’re in a foreign land where they don’t know the language, the people etc.
Lastly.. a little secret I have learned along the way is that it’s only considered bribery if you’re negotiating with them to do something bad – otherwise, you’re just offering a reward 🙂
Best wishes!
Thanks Michelle! Another great resource!
I agree, consistency is THE key! Not that that knowlege helps your sanity much when you’re schlepping a thrashing, screaming toddler out of the library while carrying 75 pounds of books and -oh yeah- another thrashing, screaming toddler in your other arm. But we all go through it, and I’m confident (most of the time) that my kids will still grow up believing I love them with every ounce of my being and tried my best. And I know yours will too!! Good luck out there! xoxo
Ok, so I’ve been there a couple times and there is some great advice here! Two things to add:
1. Don’t treat all tantrums the same. There are two types: Type A: Your toddler is upset because they are not getting to do/eat/where/play/be something that they want. This one is easier to deal with. Determine your method of dealing with, and yes, be consistent. Type B: Your toddler is REFUSING to do what you have asked them to do/be/wear/eat/etc. This one is a little more difficult. If you ignore, you are actually giving them what they want. Every second you ignore is another second they are not eating/doing/being/etc. what you’ve asked them to do. In this situation, i find giving them choices is the way to go: A) you do what I’ve asked on your own, or B) Mommy can step in and help/make you do/wear/be etc. When faced with a little miss/mister independent, I find giving choices is HUGE.
2. This advice doesn’t really go along with your article, it’s just a warning. We’re always ready, expecting the “terrible twos” and early toddler melt downs. What no one warned me about was the THREE year old ATTITUDE. It came, like a package on my doorstep almost to the date of her 3rd birthday. (Not so much with the boys but DEFINITELY with my daughter) I thought we had worked through our issues, but alas, no one prepared me for what happened at 3. It took about 4 months and my sweet little girl returned, but not without some big battles. Joy, you will master the meltdowns, but, on her third birthday, you will remember this comment…trust me. You’ve been warned.
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