The Dreaded “Mom-Guilt”

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This past weekend I found myself with a minute to myself. I honestly wasn’t quite sure what to do. It was a motherhood anomaly!

Both our boys were outside. Playing. Nicely. Together! I watched in amazement from afar careful not to disturb their joy. They were attempting a game of catch and when that didn’t work too well they moved on to chase and some basketball. It was precious; and so was this minute to myself, but I couldn’t stop feeling guilty about it.

I could get something done around the house, fold some laundry or empty the dishwasher. I could have even sat down and read something, for me! Every time I thought of something I could go do it was combatted by another thought drenched in mom-guilt because any good self-respecting Mother would have gone out there with them right?

I am going to go out on a limb here and trust that you know mom-guilt and maybe even experienced it as well? It’s that guilty feeling of doing something wrong when you are doing something for yourself. For instance, have you ever planned a girls night and canceled last minute because on the way out the door your screaming children caused you to feel guilty for taking time for yourself so instead of taking the planned much needed refreshing evening to yourself, you stayed home?

Mom-guilt: 1, Sanity: 0.

Mom-guilt comes almost simultaneously with the birth of your first child and sticks with you for quite some time. Mom-guilt can rob you of your personal joy and while you think it forces you into doing something good (spending
time with your children) it really robs you of what you need the most, time for yourself to refresh and refuel.

So what is a Mama to do? Our Mom-guilt isn’t going to get us anywhere. It doesn’t really serve a purpose except to make us feel bad about ourselves and what Mama needs that in her life? This is a hard mindset to overcome! But, I have got a secret for you: it’s not real! Mom guilt is not necessary and you can learn to overcome!

Mom-guilt is a fabrication of your own mind that tricks you into thinking you need to do more, create more, bake more, sew more, and more or less give up everything you once liked to do for yourself at the alter motherhood.

Ladies, News flash: motherhood already is a sacrifice. You don’t have to make it harder on yourself! You
are already sacrificing everyday to be your precious kiddos Mama. Your body, your time, your home, it is all willingly placed behind your own needs and wants because you chose to be a Mama! What a beautiful and rich gift that it! Please don’t make it harder than it already is.

At the heart of the matter, we are all afraid of giving up a little control when it comes to parenting and more often than not, mom-guilt appears when we aren’t in control: my children playing happily alone in the backyard, gasp! could they actually do something without me? Letting someone else care for your kiddos, on the rare chance you get to go out with some friends, or the wrath of comparison that strikes when you hear a girlfriend tell you that their 18 month old knows how to read!

These are all areas where we are forced to give up control because we just can’t be the perfect Mama’s we want or think we need to be. Mom-guilt rushes in and tells us that we have to do something to make it better, that it is up to us, but I promise you, you can never do enough.

So the next time you are experiencing your own bout of mom-guilt, stare that guilt in the face and learn to take it back. Maybe your children will learn the joy of playing together when they figure it out in their time without being forced to? Maybe the girls night out could give you the encouragement to know that you aren’t alone and others have gone before you and made the same mistakes but come through with beautiful victories as well? And maybe, just maybe you will give yourself the freedom to remember that we are all in this together and no amount of guilt will cure your desire to do the best you can for your children. You are their best, be it…just without the guilt trip!

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Tracy Carson is a Licensed Associate Professional Counselor, a wife to her Prince Charming whom she has been married to for 8 years and a Mom of two precious boys, 3 and 1.  Tracy has a passion for helping women feel beautiful inside and out and works hard in her faith based counseling practice, Professional Counseling Associates,  to encourage her clients to feel the freedom to be comfortable in their own skin.  She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders and counts it a privilege to come alongside of women as they overcome the stress that can come with new life transitions.  You can contact her at tcarsonlac (at) gmail (dot) com or find her on the web at https://www.pcaaz.com

Don’t forget to RSVP for our Scottsdale Moms Blog Valentine’s Event TOMORROW!!!!

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tracycarson
Tracy Carson is a Licensed Associate Professional Counselor, a wife to her Prince Charming whom she has been married to for 10 years and a Mom of two precious boys, 5 and 3. Tracy has a passion for helping women feel beautiful inside and out and works hard in her faith based counseling practice, Professional Counseling Associates, (www.pcaaz.com) specializing in the treatment of women’s issues: especially anxiety, development, and eating disorders and counts it a privilege to come alongside of women as they overcome the stress that can come with new life transitions. When Tracy is not in her professional role, you can probably find her out running or trying to figure out how to incorporate the newest fashion trends into her wardrobe. Follow her on twitter @tkcarson

4 COMMENTS

  1. Great post!

    I think it’s important, too, to listen to where your guilt starts to crop up, because it’s different for everyone (and yet, we all fall victim to it). I sometimes have “reverse mom-guilt” in that I think that I *should* be going out and doing more things on my own, with my spouse or with my girlfriends and yet I am by nature kind of a homebody and feel happiest and most balanced when most of my evenings and weekends are spent with the kids in our normal routine. The *should* is where the guilt creeps in – regardless of what you think you *should* be doing! 🙂

    I can relate to the magic of independent sibling play, too! Just starting to see it in fleeting moments between my almost 3yo and 8.5mo…

  2. What great insight Tracy!! I actually had a moment of mom-guilt creep in this afternoon during nap time BUT instead (thanks to this post) I sat down on the couch and read a non-parenting related book! It was wonderful (and freeing).

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