Most women (if not ALL women) can name at least a few symptoms that may occur with pregnancy, BUT I guarantee you, only a small amount can name symptoms of ‘stegnancy’. Yes, that’s right… stegnancy, or better known as the first nine months prior to becoming a Step-mom.
Food aversions, nausea, and tender breasts can seem like a way better deal when heading down the aisle to step-motherhood. I suppose I can’t speak for all women who’ve experience stegnancy, but I assume they too were plagued with worry, panic, and insecurity. The lack of clarity on how to BE a step-mom can be extremely daunting. Lets be honest, entering into a child’s life as a ‘permanent’ female figure is not something to take lightly. It’s a HUGE commitment that comes complete with HUGE responsibility.
The lack of how-to books for ‘blended families’ left me ruminating over the wicked stigma that fairy tales have cursed step-moms with for decades. Let me tell ya… waiting for horns to grow on my head as I morph into some gargoyle-looking creature was not fun. To my relief, the impending evil ways never came, and instead I matured into a ‘wickedly awesome step-mom’. Cinderella would be jealous.
Through trial-and-error, I eventually found my groove. Here’s some helpful tips for ‘stegnant’ women that I confidently live by in my new FABULOUS role:
– First and foremost… whether or not the birth mom is an ‘active’ parent, you are not taking over her role. Don’t compete for it. You are your own role, and it has value and extreme importance.
– Do not try and ‘buy’ your step-child’s affection. The love and trust will come with time as long as you are consistently honest and loving.
– It’s not easy-peasy coming up in second place at times, but helping to raise a child is not about you. It’s about the child’s well-being. It takes good, quality character to be a strong parent.
-Make friends with the birth-mom’s family because in a way… we are marrying into their life as well. If there’s drama… stay nuetral and let the hubby handle it.
-Use humor and grace ALWAYS to help guide you in difficult times.
-Last but not least, enjoy every moment you have with your step-kids. They are an INCREDIBLE blessing, and will fill your heart with joy.
Nicole grew up in Southern California, and eventually migrated out to Arizona after graduating from San Diego State University. Soon after the move, she met her prince charming, fell madly in love, and got hitched. Nicole currently freelance writes for different companies, as well as maintains a humorous blog that documents her life as a newlywed. You can find her at TheFickleNickle.com
Wow! I really loved your posting. I am sure it is not easy for anyone stepping into that “step parent” role. I like that your focus is on your daughter and not selfishly on yourself as I see many stepmothers do. I have a friend who had to go to marriage counseling because she was struggling for her new husbands attention with her teen stepdaughter. She had a lot of anger and resentment towards her stepchildren. Maybe you should consider writing a book on “blended families” and being a “step parent”. You have great advice! Thanks!
What great advice!! I wish all Step-Parents had the same insight as Nicole. She is wise beyond her years. Lisa Vicente Tampa,FL
Awesome article from an awesome step-mom! So beautifully written and bursting with genuine love.
Isn’t motherhood wonderful? Grandma-ma-hood isn’t so bad either!
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